Talking Out Loud

ohh man. it has been awhiile, my apologies to you people.

So to start off, how are you guys!? What has been happening in your life, feel free to let me know!!

I would tell you that I haven’t been blogging in forever because I have been the busiest person of life, but in all honesty, I haven’t been….

I went from living with friends and seeing some of ┬ámy best friends everyday to living back at home after graduating where I cant see my friends very much because they live hours away. If anyone reading this has been in the position like this, you know its difficult. You kind of start feeling lonely and if you dont have a job, extreme boredom. And to me, this lead to going through depression. I thought for awhile that maybe I was just feeling down and that it would pass, but it never did. I didn’t tell my family for a long time because i felt like it was something i could handle on my own, and i was pretty good at faking to be happy, at least i thought i was. i knew it was getting worse when i stopped taking care of myself, i would just lay in bed all day and not eat until my family got home and they made me eat dinner. This is something that showed me that something was wrong, because i am someone who is very healthy, who workouts everyday, sometimes twice and is normally extremely happy and energetic.

I thought i was faking it well enough, but my family noticed. My parents would ask me if everything was okay because i was quiet and just didn’t seem like my regular self. This hit me hard because i thought i was acting happy enough for them to believe it. i was wrong.

I later opened up to my sister, who is one of the closest people to me and i can tell everything to. i told her how i had been feeling and for how long and everything. she was the most supportive person and helped me with everything. when she wasn’t with me she was always contacting me to make sure i was okay, she would help me get ready for the day and always take me out with her, she would even make me food and lay with me on days i felt like i couldn’t get out of bed. She told our parents but they never made anything uncomfortable about it. They both just slowly started assisting, encouraging and helping me in everyday tasks that are sometimes difficult.

Being an extremely private person its really difficult for me to open up with people and tell them about my problems because i never want to feel like a burden to people and im always thinking about how so many other people have it way worse than me so i should not complain. But i saw this quote the other week on instagram and it said “other people are fighting a fight, but that does not mean that yours is any less of a fight” even though it is a very simple quote, it stuck with me. It made me realize that everyone is going through something as well, but just because other people are dealing with problems does not mean that you should not deal with yours (that doesn’t make sense but i hope you understand what i mean)

when it comes to both your physical and mental health it is okay to be selfish, you HAVE to be selfish about it otherwise. Many people think that dealing with mental health is easy compared to physical health. Having experienced difficulties with physical health in the past and now currently mental health, im here to tell you no, thats wrong.

Physical health is hard, you have to change your life style, exercise, change your diet, etc. But mental health takes over everything. Besides affecting you mentally, it also affects you physically. You have days where you cant get out of bed, you dont eat, you cant take care of yourself. When your friends invite you out to have a good time, you wish you were excited, but youre not. You feel drained, it takes you hours longer to get ready than before, you basicaly have to convince yourself to go out, because even though you love your friends, you know its going to be a difficult night ahead of you of forced smiles and laughs.

Dealing with depression is hard. You do still have good days, don;t get me wrong. But everyday is a fight, and sometimes you succceed and sometimes you fall. That is what needs to be realized, when you are fighting for something it is not going to be easy, its not just going to be all uphill, its going to be an up and down battle but you wil eventually make it. Once you come to the realization that you can get through this with help and support, and realize that you know what, you are going to have the odd day where youre down and do not want to get out of bed, you will be okay.

I was in my darkest period of my depression a couple weeks ago, and my family stayed with me, helped and supported me. That is what got me through it was knowing that they were there for me.

If you are going through this, you need to find someone that you can fully support you and will be there for you no matter what you are going through.

If you cannot find someone close to you like this, I am here. i know right now i may just be a blog to you, but i know what you are going through and im here to support you no matter what, if you would like to contact me just to say hi or if advice is needed, please feel free. I am always here for you, because i know its important to always have a friend around.

Sorry for the long and kind of sad post, but sometimes in life it is important to be serious and talk about things out loud.

xoxo,

c.w.

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Women of Mystery Wear Black

you wonderful humans of beings! ( or animals, i dont discriminate) how are ya!

ive gotta secret and im gonna keep it! ( Pretty little liars theme song? anyone get it? no? okay, awks)

It has probably come to your attention that i am keeping myself anonymous in these blogs, wondering why? well sit down annd i’ll tell ya! i mean you can stand too i cant see what you’re doing. oh god i just pictured some not so good things of what people could be doing while reading this. blech nasty.

— wait no get your heads out of the gutter, i meant that people could be eating olives or something, because those are gross. oh you thought i was thinking about something else? no you weirdos im not that sick minded (for the most part)

ANYWAYS– as you can tell i get distracted extremely easily… is that a bird that just flew by my window?

SO. i have decided to keep my blog anonymous for multiple reasons. The biggest reason is because i am doing this blog for me. im doing it because i want to share my thoughts and feelings and my life with people. Sometimes in life it is hard to be your completely true self with even your closest of friends and family because you have so many influences and judgments coming at you from every angle. With this blog i can type what i want, i can fully express how i feel without getting that direct influence from others.

My readers will be able to understand who i am through my writing without having a pre conceived idea of who i am. i always believe that as soon as someone sees ones face and name that there are already pre concevived ideas and judgments of what said person is like.(im hoping that makes some sense) This way people get to know me without those pre conceived motions.

And hey! its fun to be a woman of mystery! you get to wear black all the time, and black looks good on everyone. believe me, i know. my whole wardrobe is black. and i look good.

So my wonderful readers, that is why for this time being i am going to remain anonymous, but that doesn’t mean that im going to stop being any less sassy then i already am (insert sassy iphone emoticon of girl thats secretly a waitress but we all know we use it to show attitude and sass in texts)

have a beautiful day you beautiful people! (or animals, again, i don’t judge- unless you eat olives, then theres some judgement coming at you)

-collegewasted

the real world daze

hello wonderful people who read my blog, who as of right now is nobody (but gotta think positive right!?)

do you ever watch those movies where after college the character moves back home with their parents while they “figure out their next step” and just lay at home doing nothing? and then you think why would anyone do that. And if youre in college now or youre on your way to college you are thinking to yourself, like hell thats going to be me. once i graduate college im going to have my own place and a job and not move home.

well i am here to tear down your dreams and rip them to shreds. (too dramatic? my bad.)

i was where you were! I thought okay, ill get a job while im in college and save up money to get my own place for after i graduate, that way i wont have to be that person that moves back home! well life does not always go how you plan. i did get a job! (yay mini celebration) buuut only for seasonal and i only got one four hour shift a week… that money covered my groceries and thats about it. no apartment for me.

now i spend my days laying in bed at my parents house searching for apartments that wont make me stress monthly about if im going to make rent, aka a dirt cheap hole in the wall to live in.

i was in your shoes all excited and hopeful about my future, but now ive graduated college and have been thrown into the real worl, im here to tell you… stay in school. this whole being a grown up and being in the real world sucks. if you are in college and think that you already know what being an adult is and being in the real world, no. just no. you are in a daze honey. that is not the real world.

this may be abit of a sassy post but hey lets be honest with each other guys! life is hard! but i choose to believe that if you are going through an extremely difficult time that you will get through it and there is going to be an amazing benefit come out of your struggle!

life is a wonderful thing, and its okay to have hard days, months, years. but just know that youre going to get through that struggle no matter what!

also remember that the outcome you receive may not always be the one you wanted, but eventually you will realize that it was the one that will work out best for you.

-collegewasted

$10 Girls Night Out-midlife crisis

good afternoon, morning, evening, night, whenever you wonderful people are reading this!

how are you? are you good, you’re okay? okay good. Now moving on.

First things first (im the realest), Im going to give you guys some back ground info so you know what is goin on. im 19 and officially graduated from college. I am back home for the summer trying to find a job because im broke as efff and then moving to the city after the summer with my favourite person.

Here comes the struggle people, are you ready? After moving four hours away from my hometown for school for two years, and spending a ridiculous amount of money on rent and school, and mainly alcohol, ive discovered that i dont want to have a career in my area of study…. oops.

im lost, i dont know what the heck i am going to do and i am stressed as helll. People tell me literally everyday (okay, maybe not literally, but still.) that i am just living the dream! im 19 and graduated college! im going to be moving to the city and going to have a blast!

well… it definitely doesn’t seem like im living the life to me! i have yet to find a job, I have to move to the city after the summer but i cant find a place that wont make me cry in a whole of debt and i dont even have a job lined up for the city. GAAHH stressful situations 101

You know how people have a midlife crisis? well im having mine about 20 years too early, but i dont have the money to buy a red corvette to deal with it. Instead i have a $10 bottle of girls night out.

So thats my first of probably many rants for you guys, im gonna do this, i just gotta figure shit out and I hope you guys are ready for a particularly cray ride. lets ride this bitch.’

-collegewasted (currently drinking wine from the bottle, in my underwear, in bed wearing a backwards trucker hat, yolo)

About

Hello, hola, bonjour, hey, sup, holla.

Welcome to collegewasted. Now at first glance at this blog you might think that its about being wasted in college. Which if im honest with you guys was waaay too much in college. BUT anyways, thats not what this is about. I am a college graduate, and learned after spending tens of thousands of dollars that I no longer want to have a career in what i majored in… oops.

This whole thing is about me trying to figure out this shit show we call life… its terrifying, but its gotta be done.

Now lets do this.